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Spring Cleaning – Part 2… and brief review of Gardens of the Night.

June 10th, 2009 No comments
Mmm... baaacon....

Mmm... baaacon....

Hey, kids. T-Haus, here. Guess what? I am at Day 3 of The Master Cleanse! Betcha thought I wouldn’t make it, eh? Well, to that I say, “Hoo-hah!” Yes-sir-ee, nothin’ but lemon juice, water, maple syrup and cayenne peppa for this chickie. I must say that I feel pretty darn good, too. I won’t lie; the last couple of days were brutal. Monday, I wasn’t feeling good at all, in fact. I got a headache which gradually became worse. I took a long nap in the afternoon, and when I awoke, my headache was even worse. I did a few things around the house, but did not write or meditate at all. I did watch a weird movie on Showtime about a little girl who gets kidnapped… Gardens of the Night. I pretty much agree with this review from The New York Times: http://movies.nytimes.com/2008/11/07/movies/07gard.html?ref=movies. In general; not the greatest flick, and yet it still manages to leave you with a sick feeling in your gut, if you can get all the way through it. Welcome to the world of missing children, kiddie porn and sex slavery. If you are a parent of small kids, and have still not told them about why they should never–EVER–talk to strangers, let alone get into a car with one–no matter how nice they might seem–then shame on you. And you should be required to watch this film. …Otherwise, don’t bother. And if for some reason, you’re a kid who is reading this… What are you doing on the internet without parental supervision? Stop reading my blog. I sometimes have a foul mouth–er–pen–er–keyboard (I’m trying to get better). And don’t watch Gardens of the Night. Yuck-o. And don’t talk to strangers, take candy from strangers, or get into cars with strangers. All right. Enough about that creepy, would-be after-school special; were it not for the sex, drugs, violence and foul language.

So, back to The Master Cleanse. After watching the marginal-at-best movie, I realized that I had watched the whole thing, and still had a killer headache. Oh, and Spoiler-Alert: the ending sucked, too. So not only did I feel like crap, I had mental indigestion from a gross film that never got any better. I think that was the deal… I kept thinking as I was watching, “This has to get better.” It didn’t. It got worse, kind of like my headache. I went to bed, and the next morning, my headache was even worse. We’re talking blinding. “Man, does this suck!” I thought, while I mixed myself a fresh glass of Master Cleanse lemonade through the stars that danced before my eyes. Okay. So halfway through the morning when I was on my second glass, I cheated. I took half an aspirin. But then my headache started to go away, and by late afternoon, I started to feel better. I went and had a cup of tea with my pal, Fred at Starbucks, came back home, had some more lemonade, and by the time Jon Stewart rolled around, my headache was completely gone. Today I feel almost great. The stomach is a bit chatty and rumbly, but otherwise pretty good. I did do “The Internal Salt Bath,” again this morning, as is recommended… I hate that shit. Literally. Same reaction as day one. I may just stick with the Smooth Move tea from here on out. Had a cup before bed last night. It’s okay… better than a quart of hot salt water, and hopefully, it won’t give me the same trouble. FYI, I’m still fantasizing about real food… anything… bacon… bagel with cream cheese… dill pickle… parsley… quesadilla del mar… honestly, I keep going back to the pb & j sandwich… or tuna fish. And whatever you’re thinking, stop, because you’re wrong. Any real food sounds luxurious right now, and that is that. …But I shall remain strong…

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