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Posts Tagged ‘Cleanses’

Cleanse thyself with Virginity Soap.

June 11th, 2009 7 comments
Virginity Soap. For a clean that says "Spiritual."

Virginity Soap. For a clean that says "Spiritual."

There are cleanses, and then there are cleanses. Say hello to Virginity Soap, and goodbye to over-sized vaginas! How could we not have known about this?

Here’s the deal: My friend Liza’s mom, Kathy, currently resides in Oman, but she is in the States for a home visit. As thoughtful and generous as ever, she brought back this rare and precious gift that has until now, been missing from our lives: Virginity Soap. I know Middle Easterners are smart, but this is a magic that is simply unheard of… a soap that makes us girls like new–all over again! By the looks of things, this has been a well-kept secret for some time, over there. Now, we have the secret, too! You might be wondering what this has to do with creativity, and to that I say, “Everything.” First of all, anything to do with baby-making is creative by design, and second, what a clever ruse it was to come up with such an idea–a soap that makes you like a virgin… Uh-huh. And why would anyone need such a ridiculous load of snake oil–I mean, soap–in the first place? Well, in some parts of the world, women are led to believe that they have little to no value once they are no longer virgins, so naturally, someone recognized that there was a market for this sort of thing. ‘Tis a strange, strange world we live in.

My only question is: “Do you use it before or after?

Gently, now. Otherwise it might just close up, altogether.

Gently, now. Otherwise it might just close up, altogether.

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Spring Cleaning: The Master Cleanse.

June 8th, 2009 No comments

lemonadedietmodern-868x1571

Also known as “The Lemonade Diet,” I have decided to give this thing a whirl. “Why, oh why, T-Haus, would you do something so completely insane?” You may ask. Well, my dear friends, I am, after all, the original Creative Beast, and therefore, usually up for some sort of adventure. I must admit, however, that this “adventure,” seems about as enthralling as getting the flu, which I suppose for some, is a weight loss program of sorts–and–Oh, golly! It is nearly time for my second helping of water, fresh squeezed lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper! …I can barely contain myself. And that reminds me, I must tell you how my day began… with the recommended “Internal Salt Bath.” Sounds clean, right? Huh. This is a laxative, folks. And I am here to say that it works. There is a reason that they tell you to “wait two hours before leaving the house.” If you must try this–ONLY–TRY THIS AT HOME! That’s all I have to say about that.

By now, you might be asking yourself, “Trish… T-Haus… Dumbass… why the hell do you wanna do this? You, who are a lover of food, glorious, food …and beverages?” And I say to you this: I heard it’s a good way to get rid of toxic crap that your body stores, AND you can shed a few. But there is another reason I’m doing it. If you’re already a hard core Creative Beast, then you know that I am pretty sure that meditation is a big key, if not the key to unlocking a realm of personal possibilities and opportunities that exist in the world as we know it. So. I’m doing a little personal experiment. I feel I may have a better ability to transcend while meditating if I do this cleanse-thingy. They recommend that you try it for ten days or more if you can hack it. I’ll be impressed enough with myself if I can do five. We shall see. So far, I’ve fantasized about a vanilla latte, a toasted peanut butter and jelly English muffin, and Fage Greek yogurt (pronounced fah-YEH) with blackberries, toasted pine nuts and honey… one of my favorite things in the world (thanks, Demitra, for teaching me about Greek yogurt). I like to slice some of the big, fat blackberries in half because they look pretty and I like the added texture. I mix the blackberries with about a tablespoon of fresh lemon juice, a couple or so tablespoons black raspberry honey from The Wisconsin Honey Cooperative, and about a 1/4 teaspoon of Nielsen-Massey Madagascar bourbon pure vanilla extract (this is the only vanilla I ever use because it IS true vanilla, and it’s how vanilla is supposed to taste). Anyway here it is. I made it the other day… today I am only dreaming about it.

Greek yogurt with blackberries, toasted pine nuts and honey.

Greek yogurt with blackberries, toasted pine nuts and honey.

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